An Invitation from Jill
Hello! Come and join me as we chat about the value of connecting and linking information during a counselling session ….
Finding the Links; Connecting the Dots …
One of the most effective skills a counsellor can develop is to find the links as your counsellee talks to you. These links can save time, bypass unnecessary questioning and shine a spotlight on the roots of problems.
Why is it difficult to put your finger on the cause?
People who sit in the chair opposite you can offload information in such a random way, are so confused or overwhelmed that emotions take over and a logical pattern is lost.. People have also carried out some degree of self-analysis and tell you what their problem is and may not realise, this conclusion on their part, couldn’t be further from the truth.
That’s precisely why you are the counsellor and in the space to help the counsellees unbundle, untangle and take off their confusing lenses.
What are the factors that help a counsellor make the connections. We know that listening is an art and, in a counselling role, this goes beyond taking notes. The initial session with clients enables the counsellor to record biographical details, cultural and family backgrounds; who they were growing up and how long the problem, situation or issue has been presenting itself.
I have found that people give themselves away by the words they use, the things they tend to repeat, opinions they profess and, as always, their body language. So, I might say something such as, “Elaine, you said that you had a very happy life growing up, yet I don’t see or hear any emotion matching that happy time. Not in your eyes or in your tone of voice. Tell me some of the things that made you happy during that time?”
Be empathetic for the journey
Another factor that aids in creating links to discovery is an understanding of the client’s belief system. This can open doors to recognising positive or negative thinking processes, perceptions and opinions as well as why the client has made certain decisions or behaves in a specific way. As a counsellor, I can never assume anything until my counsellee is ready to reveal it. I can, however, help by asking the right questions and being empathetic as our journey together continues and unfolds.
Don’t ignore your “gut feel”
I never downplay my “gut feel” about something said by my counsellee; and I will take time exploring this thread to see if there’s a connection to the root. I also don’t ignore my “gut feel” or “spontaneous thoughts” before or during a session. For example, as I was anticipating a session with a young man in his early twenties, I kept hearing this phrase going through my mind, “You must put on your carpenter’s apron”. I had never used or heard the phrase before and, to be honest, was not sure to what it was referring.
I could have dismissed this and may also have placed my interpretation to it. Instead, I laid it on the table and waited for his response. He said to me, “That’s really funny you’ve said that because my family and I have been doing research to find out where I can learn carpentry!” This random phrase was a really good connecting point and as we considered it together, we found it went beyond his search for carpentry skills. In fact, it was an image relating to his spiritual walk and which developed through our counselling time together.
Hold back assumptions
What is a red flag for me as a counsellor, is when I tend towards preconceived ideas or thoughts I have of my counsellee, especially if this is not the first session. Can I use my thoughts regarding previous sessions as links into the current – yes, but with caution taking into account how much time has elapsed, the changes the person has made and other lifestyle and behavioural changes that have occurred. Clearly, this requires effective questioning and summarising on my part as well as the holding back of assumptions until greater clarity has been established.
I look forward to chatting again and sharing insights and experience with you.
Creating helpful links and connecting information certainly is a time-saver!
Jill 08/2023